Families with Minor Children - Estate or Probate Planning

Estate planning is especially important for families with minor children.

When I do workshops in estate planning I always tell my participants that the most important document in their plan if they have minor children is the Appointment of Guardian for Minor Children. Choosing who will take care of your children is very emotional and sometimes difficult but legally documenting your decisions is critical to a successful estate plan. If you have kids, you need to plan to care for your children and your family. Protecting your family assets by implementing wills, trusts and guardian appointments is not just important for the Rockefellers–it’s important for everyone.

Declaration of Guardian for Minor Children

This is one of the MOST important documents you can execute if you have minor children. This appointment allows you to decide who will raise your children in the event you and the biological parent are deceased. There have been cases where a child was placed in foster care when feuding family members could not agree to let the child live with one or the other family while the court made a decision in the “best interest” of the child. With proper planning you can separate the loving home and family who will raise your child from the financial component of the funds available to raise your child and also set some guidelines or criteria you would like the guardian to respect while raising your child. Frequently this is the stumbling block to coming to plan your estate. You cannot agree with your spouse who will be responsible for your child. But can you imagine a court choosing a guardian for your children. Or worse - imagine your relatives arguing in court over who gets your children—or having them agree but not on the people you would have chosen.

Here are some ideas to help you make your best choice.

Idea 1: Consider people outside the obvious choices. Make a list of all the people you know who you would trust to take care of your children. You don’t need to limit your list to close family members. Consider the ages of your children as well as the ages of the guardians.

Idea 2: Friends can make excellent guardians. Besides family, consider close friends, families your family is close to, friends you know from church, even teachers or child care providers with whom you and your children have a special relationship.

Idea 3: Don't stress about finances or the size of someone’s house. Don’t eliminate anyone from consideration because you don’t think they have the financial means to take care of your children. You can take care of the finances with what you leave. (That's what term life insurance is about!)

Idea. 4: Focus on who would love your children –through the teenage years. Consider whether each couple or person on your list would truly love your children if appointed their guardian. If they have children of their own, will your children be step-children? Or does the couple have enough love so that they will make your children feel loved no matter what?

Idea 5: Consider values and philosophies. Ask yourself which people share your values and philosophies with respect to things like your:

• religious beliefs
• moral values
• child-rearing philosophies
• educational values
• social values

Idea 6: Personality counts. Remember to consider whether your guardian has the personality traits that would work with your children’s personality.

Are they loving? Are they good role models?
Do they have the patience to take on parenting your children?
How affectionate are they?
If they're fairly young, how mature are they?

Idea 7: Consider practical factors. Their age and possible changes in their lives:

How would raising children fit into their lifestyle?
If they’re older, do they have the necessary health and stamina? Do they really want to be parents of a young child at their stage in life?
Do they have other children? How would your children get along with theirs?
How close do they live to other important people in your children’s lives (grandparents, friends)?
If a couple divorced, or one person died, would you be comfortable with either of them acting as the sole guardian? If not, you need to specify what you would want to happen.

Idea 8: Look for a good – but not a perfect – choice. No one on your list will seem perfect. But if you consider what matters to you most, you will probably be able to make some reasonable choices. Always, trust your instincts, if one couple or person seems to meet all of your criteria, but doesn’t feel right, don’t choose them.

Idea 9: Write down your reasons. If you’ve chosen friends over relatives, or a more distant relative over a closer one, be sure to explain your reasoning in writing.

Idea 10: Talk with everyone involved. If your children are old enough, talk with them to get their input as well. And be sure to consult with the people you'd like to choose, to ensure they're willing to be chosen and would feel comfortable acting as guardians.

Once you’ve made your choice, there are steps you can take to make sure the potential guardians you’ve chosen will have guidance and support they need. Here are a few ideas:

Create a set of guidelines to convey information about your children, your parenting values and your hopes and dreams for your children. (We can assist you in creating a “Guidelines for Guardians” handout.)